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Anonymous

deucebowl:

she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

(via uglycategorization)

chekhov:

In middle school i kept adding myself to my school’s wikipedia page under Notable Alumni and they kept removing me

(via spoopyjolras)

MY SENSE OF SMELL HAS BEEN GREATLY HEIGHTENED

officialunitedstates:

go up to someone when they’re holding something and say “that is not a venus fly trap”  (it only works if they’re not holding a venus fly trap)

(via spookyscarylesbians)

vanillish:

when someone comes to the right placeimage

(via bargtjest)

bewbin:

pemsylvania:

easy fix to global warming: just make it cooler

We’re gonna need a huge pair of sunglasses

(via pemsylvania)

chescher:

i did like 3 chore today mom why u making loud noise

(via stevebaescemi)

totally-not-superboy:

smallpox:

instead of taking birth control you can have sex at night bc the sperm are asleep + you won’t get pregnant

Are you a U.S. senator?

(via derpofthesky)

trash-pile:

-tears filter off cigarette-
-rubs cigarette on lips-
-lights a tube of chapstick-

soselfimportant:

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

(via likea-vitamin)